I bet here’s something you don’t know about the great, prolific author of horror novels, Stephen King: When he’s not churning out bloodcurdling fright-fests, he’s quite the romantic at heart. Several of his books, in his own words, are romance novels and not horror novels. Bag Of Bones and Lisey’s Story are two such novels, where romance is a prominent aspect. And, then, when Mr. King crossed the threshold of sixties, he started to write more and more about characters his own age.
Specifically, their love lives, dating habits, and their age-related quirks. While reading those novels (Mr. Mercedes, Finders Keepers, End of Watch are a fascinating thriller trilogy by him that dive deep into the life of a retired police officer), I was quite moved by how accurately he was able to depict senior characters, especially in terms of their sensuality and their lived experiences.
And that got me thinking. Mainstream media and society at large don’t really do much when it comes to feeling sexy past the age of sixty. Mr. King is doing it, but that’s just one author out of thousands. We shouldn’t look to the fringe cases to tell ourselves that we’re allowed to feel sensual in our seniors years. Sensuality does not have an off-switch, even though that kind of feels like the dominant opinion among people who aren’t seniors.
Sensuality belongs to the living, not just to the youth. So, in this blog post, let’s reclaim it and talk about everything. Let’s talk about sex, about wine, about that one Marvin Gaye song that takes you back to the 70s. Let’s talk about dating when your back hurts and you gotta be in bed by 10 pm. Let’s talk about it all. About taste, about texture, about touch, about being seen. Being felt.
None of that is gone. It just got buried under grief, logistics, pill organizers, caretaking, and being too darn tired to bother. Let’s unearth that, shall we? Because owning your mind and body health includes owning your sexual health as well.
Catch up with your changing body
With menopause, the levels of estrogen drop, and with it goes natural lubrication, vaginal wall thickness, and even libido. Add chronic illness or pelvic inflammatory disease into the mix, and suddenly sex becomes something complicated and painful that you avoid altogether.
Here’s what you can do right now:
Get real lube. Not generic drugstore jelly. We’re talking cannabis-infused topical lubricant. On top of adding lubrication, and making things slide easily, it also heals the body.
Try vaginal moisturizers with hyaluronic acid or vitamin E. They’re not lubes, so you can use them daily to rehydrate and plump tissue.
Talk to your doctor about vaginal estrogen if you’re dealing with severe atrophy or discomfort. There are low-dose creams and inserts that work wonders.
Do your pelvic floor exercises. A strong pelvic floor helps with sensation and climaxes, and yes, they still belong to you.
Let’s rewire your definition of pleasure
Sensuality is, as the name suggests, about sensation. You want to feel good again? Then let’s start by actually feeling. Sex is just one aspect of sensuality. Here’s how you can awake the other aspects:
Eat a ripe peach. Slowly. Let it drip.
Take a bath with Epsom salts and essential oils. Lavender, clary sage, rose.
Read a romance novel that makes you blush. Or makes you want to blush.
Dance to an old soul record. That one you forgot you loved.
Touch your own skin, not to inspect for any disease or signs of old age, but to explore, to reacquaint yourself.
Pleasure should begin with your senses. And then, your senses should lead the way towards what feels right.
It’s time for some distinguished dating
You might not want the full dating circus. That’s fine, because after a certain age, not even the younger people want to go through that whole charade. But that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t want someone to hold hands with. Talk dirty with. Make out with in the car like teenagers. That desire is sacred, a literal part of your life that demands fulfillment.
Here’s how we can attain that fulfillment:
Use dating apps for mature adults, like SilverSingles, OurTime, or Stitch. Real people your age who have been through it, have lived long enough to know better, and want the same thing as you: genuine, deep connection.
Go to real-world events: Book clubs, senior yoga, art classes, volunteer meetups. These are the places where you’ll people you actually want to.
Don’t pretend to be younger than you are. Own your age, your laugh lines, your stories, and your past. The confidence that comes from owning that is deeply sexy.
And remember intimacy can take its time, it can be slow, it can build through conversation, through curiosity, through that moment someone brushes your arm and it lingers.
Bring back climaxes into your life
Sexual climax after the age of sixty is different, sometimes difficult, but nowhere does it say that it’s impossible. Let’s look at it objectively.
Why they might be harder to reach:
Less blood flow to the genitals
Thinner vaginal walls
Drop in estrogen and testosterone
Anxiety or shame or simply not having touched yourself in a while
How to bring them back:
Use cannabis lube. It increases blood flow, reduces pain, and boosts sensitivity. Don’t buy just any lube. Go to a dispensary and get a quality THC/CBD topical lube like Quim Rock’s Intimate Oil.
Incorporate toys. Toys help you explore in a non-judgmental, completely self-paced way, and that, dear reader, is fun at any age, not just your twenties.
Stimulate slowly. Take your time. Add heat. Add scent. Add silence or music or whatever makes you drop in. Slow stimulation builds gradually, but grants you powerful climaxes.
Tune Your Mind To Sensuality
A lot of the times, sensuality doesn’t have to do with the body. It has to do with the mind.
You can’t feel sexy if you don’t feel safe. If you’re stuck in grief. If you’ve internalized years of “you’re too old for that.” That kind of talk shuts you down before your body ever gets the chance to light up.
So, to remedy that:
Get curious instead of being self-critical.
Get in touch with the things that used to excite you once—your favorite music, your favorite books, movies, music, and even places!
Explore therapy if there’s trauma or self-doubt in the way.
Healthily indulge in erotic literature (and there are different kinds of it out there for everyone) to jump-start your mental sensuality.
Affirm out loud and say, I still want. I still deserve. I still need.
Let’s Talk Cannabis Lube (Your New Favorite Tool)
You might have noticed that I dropped quite the bomb a few paragraphs above, so let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about THC and cannabis lube. But a disclaimer first. If cannabis is not legal in your state, things can get a little tricky. Maybe it’s time for a vacation somewhere where it is legal? I hear Los Angeles is nice this time of the year.
Cannabis Lube! Yeah! They make that too!
That’s right—topical lubricants made with cannabinoids like THC and CBD are a real thing. You can usually find them at your local dispensary. Just ask the staff for their recommendations, since products can vary depending on where you live. Personally, I like to keep it simple. If I’m making it myself, I go for a basic blend of THC distillate and coconut oil. And when I am buying it, the fewer the ingredients, the better.
Here’s why it works:
Reduces pain caused by dryness, menopause, and pelvic conditions
Thickens vaginal tissue, making things feel smoother and stronger
Increases blood flow for better arousal and stronger orgasms
Relaxes your pelvic muscles (THC is amazing for that)
Enhances pleasure noticeably. Like whoa, is that me? kind of noticeably
Cannabis Lube- that’s something I’ve never heard of! But immediately resonated with. I can’t think of a more innovative use for cannabis!! I use medical marijuana regularly!
Hi Kate—
Right?! Isn’t cannabis lube the most delightfully unexpected plot twist? I had the same “wait…what?” moment the first time I heard about it too. And I love that you already use medical marijuana—this is just another beautiful branch of that same healing tree. Honestly, I think this is one of the most innovative and under-discussed ways cannabis can support our health and pleasure. So glad it resonated with you! 💚
Hi Alison – This was a very interesting read. I commend you for your conviction to talk about this topic as some people may find it controversial. I believe that everyone can learn something regardless of the topic. The one thing that I truly appreciate about you and your blog posts is your sincere desire to help others. Your audience does not only include those that may be considered “seniors”, but really anybody that is willing to listen to you from your medical/educational background. Thank you for continuing to share your knowledge!
Hi Ernie—
Your words mean so much—thank you. I truly believe that healing, growth, and even sensuality don’t come with an age limit, and it’s deeply heartening to know that message lands with you. The “controversial” topics are often the ones we most need to talk about, aren’t they? And I’m grateful to have thoughtful, open-hearted readers like you who create space for these conversations. Thank you for listening, and for seeing the bigger intention behind this work.
Hi Alison! Interesting read and very informative! Sexuality is in the brain. As we age we lose on libido, due to hormonal factors. But I think it’s possible to keep the flame alive nevertheless. Like you said so well, sensuality is about emotions, senses, and feelings. As such, rewiring our sexuality to make place to more sensuality, rather than solely the physical performance will keep those emotional feelings that makes us feel good and also help to keep the libido up for another day! Even if that means the use of some extras like this cannabis lube I didn’t know about.
Thank you
Martin
Hi Martin—
You nailed it: sensuality lives in the mind as much as the body. Hormones do their thing, yes, but the stories we tell ourselves, the emotions we nurture, and the way we feel seen—that’s where the fire lives. I love your point about shifting from performance to presence. It’s not about proving anything—it’s about feeling everything. And yep, sometimes a little cannabis lube or a sensual slow dance with yourself is all it takes to spark that “still got it” glow. Grateful for your insight!
Hey Alison, this post is a fantastic call to reclaim sensuality at any age! Your points on adapting to body changes, redefining pleasure, and especially the insight on cannabis lube are incredibly valuable. Thanks for shedding light on such an important, often-ignored topic.
Meredith
Hey Meredith—
Thank you so much. I’ve come to believe that sensuality is a birthright, not a phase—and yet so many of us were taught to put it on the shelf after a certain age. Your words feel like a big “yes” to the reclamation, and I’m here for that! Whether it’s redefining pleasure or simply giving ourselves permission to feel good again, I’m glad we’re having this conversation. Let’s keep talking about the things that actually matter. 🧡
Hi Alison,
This is the type of subject that has so much taboo written all over it! Thanks for bringing it front and centre as it really is an important part of, wait for it, growing older!
Thanks for talking about something that we unfortunately don’t talk enough of – and reminding us that Stephen King isn’t only a writer of scary stuff!
Hi Marc—
YES! Taboo topics need the most light, don’t they? We spend so much of our lives dancing around this stuff when really—intimacy, connection, pleasure—they’re essential parts of our humanity, not just our youth. I had to laugh at your Stephen King comment—who knew our master of horror was also a closet romantic?! I think that’s what makes this all so relatable. We’re all more layered than we let on. Thank you for your thoughtful comment, and for being part of this much-needed shift in the conversation.